work later in the noon but im up early. just cant get back to sleep even though i very much want to. been tossing and turning and waking up in the middle of the night randomly. hope i dont die later, afterall its already the last day.
i seldom, or never (i cant remember), blog about these but i always wonder how does r/s works? should it be the longer you are together, the less u will bother or care about the other partner because you're so familiarise with her/his everythings and used to it that u dont give a damn because in the end u know nothing will goes wrong. or should it be the longer you are together, the more u'll care about ur partner because he/she has become part of you and even if the most minor thing goes amiss, u feel like its a frigging major thing.
my heart is for the latter but my mind is for the former, and i cant seem to coordinate them well. to me, the latter shows that im a very clingy gf (yucks, i dont wanna be one) and the former shows that i have a I DONT CARE attitude. and the worst thing is when my bf seems to have opposite thoughts as me.
so sometimes when del dozed off or something else and didnt text me before i sleep which i fucking hate, i wish both my mind and heart would say in unison to not give a damn because its not a big deal. he's just lying on his bed sleeping and nothing will be wrong. thats all. and i should go to sleep as well, instead of always having wild thoughts. -.-
and dont get me wrong. del still treats me well, better than i do to him. and i admit he's usually the one giving and im the one taking. i know this isnt the way and im still working hard on this but stil... not everything is perfect and being the not-easily-contented me, i just love to bring up all his bad points instead of the good ones. time to time when im so mad at him, i'll think of the times/things he did for me. like coming down straight away late at night just to fetch me from work just cause i called him and say that i missed my last train, even though he had to wake up earlier than me the next morning. i'll constantly remind myself of all those he had done for me, and hopefully all the mad and evil thoughts will disappear. on the surface, yes it disappeared. but deep down, i'll still resent him for doing all the stuffs that made me mad. is this the right thing/way?
maybe i need to reflect on myself. maybe i need a break. maybe i need to fall back to sleep. ):
